what would you do?

[EricJ]

So today I got called to testify against one of my best friends. Long story short I know what she is doing is wrong, and I'm the only witness against her. I testified and pretty much killed her case. Now a couple hours later I still feel horrible, and I know I ended a friendship.

So what would you do? Is friendship stronger than right and wrong? Would you risk yourself in front of the court and not tell the truth?

I guess when growing up, it's the cardnal rule to not tell on your friends, but this is a different level...but I feel horrible for it.


PS it's a civil suit, so I'm not sending a friend to jail, it's about money

[Stupidcow]

That's a really tough one. It all depends on how serious is the case and what are the consequences of me telling or not telling the truth. I can't say for sure what I'll do.

[supervike]

Could you have lived with yourself if you lied?

Maybe it doesn't seems so on the forums, but in real life I try to be as honest and straightforward as I can. Honesty and trust are important things for me.

But its a hard hard question. Would I lie to save a family member or loved one....I don't know, I'd like to think I wouldn't, but reality is a long way from ideal.

I think after some time has passed you'll think you've done the right thing. It would have to be especially hard now, though.

[EricJ]

yeah, the issue was she was sueing my company I work for, we were best friends at one point when we both worked there, but she got herself fired through very very poor conduct. Now she was trying to get a LARGE sum of money from them, but specifically had told me in the past, that what she was claiming to be completely untrue.

I think I had to just be truthful, but at the same time, it is about the worst thing to get in front of a friend in that way and tell a court that they're a liar.

[supervike]

Maybe she will see the error of her ways and forgive you...

thats the way it works in the movies.

[Duende]

Well, for one thing, lying in court, whether civil or criminal, is perjury and that could have gotten you in trouble.

And, ...I'll admit I don't know her personally, but what kind of friend is she?

One- She got herself fired for "very very poor conduct". How bad was it? Most companies I know will at least give a warning or two before firing somebody over conduct, unless it was an enforcement of a "zero-tolerance" policy about hasassment or something.

Two- She was trying to get a large sum of money over false pretenses. I could sympathize if she felt genuinely wronged, but since she's making stuff up she can reap what she sows.

Three- She tells you, a supposed best friend, that she's lying about it all. Being that you were a coworker, didn't she think that you would be called to testify for the company? That's a hell of a friend who would want to put you on the spot like that and to join her in her lie. Was she planning on giving you a cut of the money if she won the case?

Like vike said, could you have lived with yourself if you supported her in her lie, thus rewarding her for her bad behavior and lying? The loss of her friendship is her fault, not yours. I believe you did the right thing.

[Ritual]

I think you did right! Lying in court is a quite serious offence and rightly so. I can see how it would feel like a difficult thing when you're in the middle of it, but from a more detached viewpoint (and with time you'll probably be able to see this too) it's the right thing to do. I don't believe you're truly helping someone if you aid or encourage wrongful behaviour. Surely, the other part will not agree, but in this case I think the friendship between the two of you was basically over anyway, whatever you would have done. Would you have felt comfortable with being best friends as if nothing happened after lying in court to help her get her wrongful claim?

[callumrice]

Agreed, you did the right thing. I work for the legal system here in Scotland and try to always see things clear cut, either right or wrong, but its obviously rarely the case. I dont think your friend should have put you in that position, obviously hoping you would back her up.

Well done man, its a hard thing to do but, and I know its cliche, but if she is a true friend she would understand why you did it.

[Malebolgia]

I agree with the guys above. I understand that you feel bad about it, but you did the right thing. First of all, lying in court is a no-no and second it sounds like she didn't deserve the money in the first place.
Now if that means she does not want to be friends with you anymore, then what kind of friend is she anyway?

[cdukino]

what the guys above said. You did the right thing even is the right thing might definatly not feel best in the short run. In the long run it is best. You don't want to be involved with the lying unlawfull side. No use getting yourself into legal trouble for the fault of another. If she would demand you to do so just to stay friends... she's not much of a friend anyway. And who's to say she won't do it again if she got away with it this time. You don't wanna take a big part of the risk for someone else to have the profits for just becouse you are (or were) friends.

[Steph-E]

you did right.me? I dont have any friens at all, so I'm quiet...
not an easy thing to do but you did right. And them, you did, so, things are done.

[vincegamer]

I am guessing she didn't have a lawyer or her lawyer sucked.
In any case you did right. If she will not be your friend because you are honest, then I wouldn't see much future in the friendship anyway.
It hurts though, to lose a friend. I lost one over money and it has never totally healed.

[Eastern Front Studios]

Eric, tough call but all the above advise sounds right to me.

[EricJ]

yeah, I think after sleeping on it and seeing all the comments here and from other friends, that I had to do what I did. There is really no way I could be criminal in front of a court to aid in her trying to steal money from my company. Besides my company knew what I know, and if I refuse to testify, or change my story, it's my livelyhood I'm putting in danger to help her.

I think my head understands it all, but there is still the emotional impact of feeling like I'm betraying a friend by "telling on her" so to speak, things that she told in confidence. I take pride in being there for friends, and that they can tell me anything, so this goes against all of that...

[Ritual]

I think my head understands it all, but there is still the emotional impact of feeling like I'm betraying a friend by "telling on her" so to speak, things that she told in confidence. I take pride in being there for friends, and that they can tell me anything, so this goes against all of that...
Understandable... But a real friend should not put you in that situation. Situations like this one are regrettable, but I don't think there was any other way (or at least no better way) to handle the situation.

[Duende]

I think my head understands it all, but there is still the emotional impact of feeling like I'm betraying a friend by "telling on her" so to speak, things that she told in confidence. I take pride in being there for friends, and that they can tell me anything, so this goes against all of that...

There's keeping things in confidence that you should and those that you shouldn't. The difference is figuring out what. Unfortunately, it's not all black and white.

Put it this way, she told you in confidence that she was planning on trying to extort money from your company for imaginary wrongs. Let's take it to a more extreme example, like if she told you all about her plans to do away with an ex and wanted you to help her hide the body. Should you keep her confidence in that case? No. Why? Because she's not using you as a supportive friend to keep a secret, she'd looking for an accomplice to back her up and go down on her sinking boat with her. It pisses me off because you call her friend while she's not being friendly, she's being manupulative.

Lying in court would have only sunk you to her level. I'm glad you didn't do it.

[EricJ]

thanks everyone, I think this upset me more than just about anything in recent memory. But I'm better now I think, it's just turned into being pissed at her for putting me in that possition. Oh well, I guess just another part of life

[Frustrated Father]

Yeah, quite frankly she put you in a position which required you to suck it up, swallow your morals and to quite possibly leave you without a job or at the very least, a very difficult situation to work which might curb your career.

Not going to lie and say I'm a saint, few of you know that quite readily (smile), but seriously, when it comes down to a situation like that it becomes 'take care of you and yours and let the rest fall to the side'. Harsh? Yeah, quite possibly, but that's life and more to the point, a friend or someone that cares for you wouldn't, or atleast shouldn't, knowingly put you in a situation where you have to question yourself like that.

Ah well, not like she's working at the office with you or across the hall in an apartment. Forget about it ... (uses best mafia voice ..)

[matty1001]

Well i aint got much to add, people have pretty much covered everything. But chin up mate, you've done the best thing you could do in the long run.